The Need To Appear Perfect

One thing I’ve been dealing with lately and seeing within certain relationships is that need to appear perfect to the other person. I have been able to relate awesomely with a number of people and in relating with them, there is this openness and freedom. We could talk about whatever flowed and even the dark part of our character, the details of angry spurts, pain that at one point may have been repressed even, and the times when we’ve been in shameful situations. As well as joyful times, dreams, and embarrassments. Now that I’m more open and have experienced this, I don’t like to go back to that nudging distrust that starts brewing when you feel someone is trying to appear too perfect. It’s feels uncomfortable and nothing seems genuine.

I know there is a point in the very beginning of getting to know a person where they may be just trying to make a good impression and that’s OK. With some individuals though, there is this continuous struggle to remain perfect. It’s very evident and just a complete turn off from trying to get to know the person or really dealing with the person at all.

One word: RELAX! We are all damaged in some way and EVERYBODY knows this. Trying to appear perfect creates distrust. The feeling that you are hiding something starts to creep up on the other person. Despite the fact that I’m a pretty open person, I myself tend to kind of shy away from people who try so hard. More and more people are starting to go by their intuition and gut feelings so trying to get to know someone who is trying to hide themselves in that way is like pulling teeth and creates awkwardness. They behave one way but there this subtle alarm telling you something different.

I know for many it can be difficult to just be yourself in a world that tries to force you to be dull or to submit to certain life style’s and ways. Even if you were to do that, you’d still get judged anyway. It sounds pretty dramatic (lol), but I mean, really.. You constantly hear people say they can’t f*ck with people who can’t keep it (excuse my ebonics) “One Hunnit” (100%/Real) etc *cackling*, yet the same folks will talk sh*t about you, and ridicule you for whatever reason. At one point you have to get sick and tired of pretending and hiding. My problem was always saying “Yes”, when I really wanted to say “No”. That’s a mask as well. Just as I was, pretending to be content when I was actually enraged on the inside. At one point you get to that “f*ck-it” threshold. You come to a completely clear realization that other people struggle with the same demons you do or worse. Or you even go beyond to look at it from an even higher stand-point: That we are all perfect in our ways, we all bring our own individual “something” to creation itself, we are all living a short journey on earth, of many journeys, that is about play. We have incarnated as different characters to experience ourSELF because we are ONE, in different forms, we are learning and we are the way we are supposed to be in this NOW moment.

Flaws are part of the game. Just relax and BE. Your true nature is beautified by flaws as well as mindless joy and fun. Think about how you were as a child..that is perfection right there, even with the tantrums, kicking and screaming and not really caring about who was watching or what anyone thought. It is the conditioning later on that made you become self-conscious and at one point if you decide to choose the path of freedom, you will start to unlearn this. I saw a posting on facebook that just had me like “wow”, because it is the mere truth. It said something along the lines of “Be yourself. When you are not yourself, you draw to your reality, people who are not in vibrational alignment with who you really are, so you will always feel like you never fit in. When you are yourself freely, you will eventually draw to yourself people who, like you, let shine their true nature, which is a match to your own.” Think about it, you’ll feel right at home. *smiles*

Trusting The Universe: My Experience In Letting Go Of Ideal Outcomes

Up until a few years ago, I lived my life in high stress. I couldn’t relax very much and didn’t really know what true inner peace really was because I was conditioned, like most of the population, to believe that you have to constantly scurry around in order to achieve anything. That you have to be constantly busy in order to feel worthy of any success, and that operating in that way will guarantee success. I felt ostracized by the voices I had internalized during childhood. Being scolded for taking a quick break or for claiming to be tired. We have been taught to be totally disconnected to the flow that truly rules our lives and that’s where trouble comes in. We are being asked to go against the flow, and our own bodies’ internal clock. Everything in the universe is in sync with one another and things seem to happen at the time that they need to. There is a natural pattern that our bodies are trying to flow with, yet we fight ourselves and work against time because this is what has been always considered normal and what has been ingrained  in our heads.

In my experience, the more I fought to achieve a specific outcome, the more elusive it became. I found that once I began to trust in divine timing, and in the natural flow of things, I saw that different and unexpected opportunities would arise. Sometimes even the arrival of more beneficial outcomes than imagined. Expectation leads to disappointment in most cases, and the “letting go” process requires detachment from desired outcomes. This does not mean that I am putting my dreams, goals and aspirations in the back burner. Actually, I have already set the intention that those dreams, goals and aspirations are what I want to get to, but I don’t attach myself to them so much that I end up in a constant state of wondering about if it will happen or not. I just continue doing the work required to get to them, at my own pace. Or shall I say, at an enjoyable pace. When you have that passion and love for your work, the universe opens more doors for you. When you are not enjoying yourself in what you do, most of the time, it does not get you anywhere or the desired results. When you are relentlessly working yourself past the point of exhaustion, rushing yourself, being a perfectionist, and being harsh towards yourself when it comes to reaching these goals, wondering constantly about when things will happen for you, and/or working to be better than someone else, you are operating from a fear-based standpoint. You are not attracting the positive energy that will propel you towards your goal.

 

The motivation behind many people, for doing great in life, seems to be centered on beating the next person. I am not dismissing that there are other, more meaningful motives for success, such as the caring of the family or assuring the security of their children’s futures, the enjoyment of luxuries, travel etc. Of course there are.  I’m referring to how nowadays many individuals are driven by how the next person is doing in comparison to themselves. They want to do better than the next person, not remembering that everyone has their own path and journey. The next person’s success is totally different than the success that is meant for your own life’s path. Focusing on what another person is doing, is taking the focus off yourself. The true focus needed to monitor your own progress and to truly enjoy your work. You are robbing yourself of your own creativity because your energy is now being partially or fully focused on being better than someone else.

The relaxation and trust in the universal flow is  pretty much a form of meditation. The art of letting go and allowing.  In most cases, after worrying and stressing about job searching, bills, or many other things that we stress about in our everyday lives, you find that everything eventually works out. All the fear-based outcomes you envisioned were only unfounded and imaginary. I have had many points in my life where there was plenty of financial struggle. Each and every time I would go through these kinds of situations, I complained a lot and did not see a light at the end of the tunnel. Then as I got a bit older and got the chance to see more of my life unfolding, I started noticing that each and every difficult situation in my life, that I thought I would not get out of, ended up having an outcome different from the one I would imagine. A positive one!  All of my fears were a complete waste of time and energy, when I could have been focusing on being in the moment and enjoying my life for what it was. After having this realization a few years ago I started to just let go and enjoy my life, the big and little things. I let go of those fears because I started to trust what I have seen time and time again. Even when things seem to be at their toughest, I have come to see that silver lining.

If you find yourself in a constant state of tension, always rushing, always thinking that you will not achieve your goals, feeling unworthy because you are not working at the same pace as others or because you haven’t achieved what another person has, being a perfectionist to the point of stress, not getting enough rest (I have heard the saying “Sleep is for suckers!” and the hash-tag all over the web: #teamnosleep …tisk! your body is your temple, take care of it! Get rest! You’re obviously going to need your body!)… If you find yourself constantly doing any of these things… STOP! If I began to tell you how amazing life is and how it works for you when you are not doing all of these things, this would be a much longer article. Please relax! There is abundance and success available to everyone. Someone else having success does not rob you of your own. Breathe and set the intention that you will achieve what you set out to do, and then continue on to do your work at your own desired pace. The rest will follow. Last but not least, Do not let society and the media tell you what defines success.  Success comes in many forms!