Broken Sisterhood

Despite so much adversity that goes on among us women, I feel spirit has always directed me towards healing myself and helping other women heal from the wounds that we have caused each other. Getting away from the excessive pride and ego that we use to protect our feelings and emotions.
There is a balance that I try to achieve when I face the difficult situations that have surfaced with other women. I myself have fallen many times in the traps of coming from ego in order to defend myself. I remained stuck in defense mode for long periods of time. I want to remain in the practice of simply being carefree and welcoming, which is my original nature, despite any push-back I receive. I am not at all, by any means, saying to be passive in the face of blatant disrespect. But I will not let any experiences that are negative, allow me to change my overall nature in new situations.
This is one of my goals, which I have achieved in the past but as of late, have fallen back into that habit of becoming closed and withdrawn when I have been “attacked”.

The older I have gotten and the more I have done the work to increase the love for myself, the more I face uncomfortable situations with women. I have gone within to find out why and part of my purpose seems to be that I have to work with women somehow,  by directly addressing the actions and issues at hand instead of just withdrawing and “taking the high road” or “keeping it moving” as I say.  I should be acting as more of a teacher in these situations.

I have most of the time avoided “worsening” situations by not bothering and moving on. Just letting it be whatever it is and leaving that person to “take the bs elsewhere”. This in itself can be very dysfunctional because that person may need, right then and there, for me to immediately tell them how fucked up they are behaving. My whole philosophy has always been “They are grown, they should know better.” which is true but sometimes people need to hear about themselves because others have not dared to speak up on their foolishness. Then again there are times when it is necessary to not bother with the situation altogether, specially if games are being played and it is a situation in which the other party shows signs of some personality disorder, such as NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Those are situations you need to run from immediately, as the person’s only goal is to keep you depleted and feeling destroyed and that is another story for another day.

Another issue I have dealt with is where I let my guard down for certain people, while my intuition clearly told me otherwise and it resulted in the person, down the line, becoming rude towards me out of nowhere, almost to “test” me because they thought my normal positive attitude was phony or they just couldn’t stand the ongoing lack of drama. Some people are very addicted to adversity so they seek out this kind of trouble when it isn’t called for or necessary. Just to pass the time or because it fuels and excites them. This is where my intuition mixed with that same openness needed to come in. I was only open at the time and ignored my senses. People like this often move on when you finally distance yourself and send a clear message that you’re not with the bs.

What I want to do ultimately is to continue working on these issues, in order to move on from this negative feedback loop. I want to have a better outlook as I did before and see the best in everyone else. I do have, even presently some positive experiences but I want to leave behind the weary feelings and distrust that sometimes creep up on me, the fear of letting my guard down. I am working to achieve the balance I once had not long ago where I was using my intuition more proactively. The past few months I seemed to just withdraw from everything and that is not conducive to new opportunities or positive situations. I want to get to where I am able to fulfill this calling and work with other women in the process, helping to heal the divine feminine. In my quest towards life coaching this is a necessary step.

The Soul Connection: To Work With It Or To Let It Work You?

ImageIt’s not about the idea of having possession of another person and expecting them to belong only to you… and forever. This is what many people think of when they think of a soul mate or twin flame connection. The meaning has been skewed and flipped around to make it signify some kind of “forever and till death do us part” type of relationship, when in actuality it is far from that, and something I would better describe as a reality check.


Soul connections are about learning. They are not exclusive to romantic relationships, they also include family relationships, and friendships. They are showing you who you are, and who you can become. They show you your true potential. They bring up and bring out your weaknesses so you can spend the time necessary to face them and work to overcome them. Quite ANNOYING! Even though it is a necessary process. I think this is why people stay in their comfort zones. Most of us keep our walls up and we would rather not deal with our own demons nor the demons of another person. Soul mate and twin flame relationships can turn out very difficult and even sour at times. They are a test for people who still have certain types of issues to resolve within themselves. The only amazing part of it in my experience is the feeling of the connection itself and the true intimacy that can be achieved if both people come to an understanding and are mutually working with themselves and with each other.


Even if you are a very spiritual person that is practicing compassion and the process of ‘letting go’, these types of connections can really test your open-hearted nature. Whatever old fears you had stuffed will come about. You will most likely meet people who seem like your complete opposite. Sometimes they are showing you another side of life that you are being given the chance to explore. Sometimes the connection is teaching you acceptance of your counterpart’s lifestyle and that’s where unconditional love comes in. The true loving of another person without condition or expectation. Without expecting them to do for you in return. Just letting them be who they are. This is obviously pretty difficult for most of us. Many people feed into their ego’s selfish nature, so they start to become possessive, obsessive, intimidated and/or withdrawn. There are the folks who run from the connection because the strength of it cannot really be explained. Most people have to have a reason why they are drawn to a person, and the being drawn to someone for absolutely no explainable, tangible reason is so crazy to some people that they would rather get away.


I’m not trying to undermine these connections or trash talk them. They are absolutely necessary and perfect for spiritual growth. I admit that they get on my damn mother******* nerves at times because I have had a series of aggravating episodes when it comes to them lol. But just what I have stated right there is an exact indicator that I still have work to do..LOL. Despite the difficulties, they have shown and reminded me of the areas of my life and personality that I need to acknowledge. They have helped me build up strength to practice letting go of the unpleasant emotions associated with how I viewed myself. They have reminded me to remain open-hearted even in the face of what seemed like flat out ridicule, rejection and the discovery of my counterparts’ demons or qualities that differed from my own. I do sometimes in the midst of my own aggravation say that I’d rather remain a recluse rather than deal with these connections. But what good would I get out of that? I would not be able to learn, grow and experience other views on life.


Some of these connections can be completely amazing with little issues and those are just as important. From what I have seen, the more pleasant experiences in this realm of connections, will show you that you are beautiful regardless of what has happened and will happen in your life and they will remind you of the freedom that your soul’s true nature is comprised of. They will show you real intimacy and the freedom of completely being yourself, freely revealing dreams as well as fears. It’s not all bad.


The keys to dealing with these types of connections is patience, taking time to contemplate, providing your counterpart with lots of space when the signs are there that they want/need it, even if it feels like death to you (that would be your own insecurities and inability to let go). Working to love yourself more and paying full attention to yourself, your needs, dreams and nurturing your talents and creativity. Neglecting yourself will send a subconscious signal to others that will make them pull away. This is why people who chase after love and approval, seem to forever chase it without getting it. Self-love and self-focus allows us to receive the universe’s gifts when we least expect them.