Progress is Made Through Mistakes

When making a change to old habits and attitudes we sometimes make the mistake of thinking that this change should happen as soon as possible. We don’t give ourselves room for mistake.  This undermines our own ability to make the changes we seek. We become the tough and even judgmental voices that we heard growing up, and we may lose motivation.

Think back to when you were a small child. How would you have preferred to be treated when making mistakes? Even if you didn’t receive the best treatment from the adults around you, if you could go back and interact with your child self, how would you treat them when making those mistakes? How would you want to treat your own children to the best of your ability? You would be nurturing and kind. You would be encouraging and not beat down their self confidence. When messing up, you’d tell them to try again and to keep trying because something is always learned with each mistake. You’d let them know that mistakes are not bad and they part of growing and learning.

Effort always gets the momentum going. You’ve began the process and as you continue, you’re already changing. Do not stop the process by undermining what you’ve already accomplished because of a few setbacks. Disappointment is natural. We want the best for ourselves but we may not be realistic about the time it takes. Allow room for mistake, but don’t stop and settle into old ways because you may not see anything happening yet. See yourself as the small child you were, be encouraging and patient. Address yourself positively and you’ll see results over time.

 

The Soul Connection: To Work With It Or To Let It Work You?

It’s not about the idea of having possession of another person and expecting them to belong only to you… and forever. This is what many people think of when they think of a soul mate or twin flame connection. The meaning has been skewed and flipped around to make it signify some kind of “forever and till death do us part” type of relationship, when in actuality it is far from that, and something I would better describe as a reality check.

Soul connections are about learning. They are not exclusive to romantic relationships, they also include family relationships, and friendships. They are showing you who you are, and who you can become. They show you your true potential. They bring up and bring out your weaknesses so you can spend the time necessary to face them and work to overcome them. Quite ANNOYING! Even though it is a necessary process. I think this is why people stay in their comfort zones. Most of us keep our walls up and we would rather not deal with our own demons nor the demons of another person. Soul mate and twin flame relationships can turn out very difficult and even sour at times. They are a test for people who still have certain types of issues to resolve within themselves. The only amazing part of it in my experience is the feeling of the connection itself and the true intimacy that can be achieved if both people come to an understanding and are mutually working with themselves and with each other.

Even if you are a very spiritual person that is practicing compassion and the process of ‘letting go’, these types of connections can really test your open-hearted nature. Whatever old fears you had stuffed will come about. You will most likely meet people who seem like your complete opposite. Sometimes they are showing you another side of life that you are being given the chance to explore. Sometimes the connection is teaching you acceptance of your counterpart’s lifestyle and that’s where unconditional love comes in. The true loving of another person without condition or expectation. Without expecting them to do for you in return. Just letting them be who they are. This is obviously pretty difficult for most of us. Many people feed into their ego’s selfish nature, so they start to become possessive, obsessive, intimidated and/or withdrawn. There are the folks who run from the connection because the strength of it cannot really be explained. Most people have to have a reason why they are drawn to a person, and the being drawn to someone for absolutely no explainable, tangible reason is so crazy to some people that they would rather get away.

I’m not trying to undermine these connections or trash talk them. They are absolutely necessary and perfect for spiritual growth. I admit that they get on my damn mother******* nerves at times because I have had a series of aggravating episodes when it comes to them lol. But just what I have stated right there is an exact indicator that I still have work to do..LOL. Despite the difficulties, they have shown and reminded me of the areas of my life and personality that I need to acknowledge. They have helped me build up strength to practice letting go of the unpleasant emotions associated with how I viewed myself. They have reminded me to remain open-hearted even in the face of what seemed like flat out ridicule, rejection and the discovery of my counterparts’ demons or qualities that differed from my own. I do sometimes in the midst of my own aggravation say that I’d rather remain a recluse rather than deal with these connections. But what good would I get out of that? I would not be able to learn, grow and experience other views on life.

Some of these connections can be completely amazing with little issues and those are just as important. From what I have seen, the more pleasant experiences in this realm of connections, will show you that you are beautiful regardless of what has happened and will happen in your life and they will remind you of the freedom that your soul’s true nature is comprised of. They will show you real intimacy and the freedom of completely being yourself, freely revealing dreams as well as fears. It’s not all bad.

The keys to dealing with these types of connections is patience, taking time to contemplate, providing your counterpart with lots of space when the signs are there that they want/need it, even if it feels like death to you (that would be your own insecurities and inability to let go). Working to love yourself more and paying full attention to yourself, your needs, dreams and nurturing your talents and creativity. Neglecting yourself will send a subconscious signal to others that will make them pull away. This is why people who chase after love and approval, seem to forever chase it without getting it. Self-love and self-focus allows us to receive the universe’s gifts when we least expect them.

True Fortitude

Some people believe that when you don’t bother to reciprocate with the same foolishness that they try to serve you with, that you MUST be feeling defeated or depressed, less-than and completely destroyed… or at least they try to convince themselves of that. The truly defeated, depressed, and self loathing person in fact is the one who wants to continue battling even after you have kept it moving. The individual who stops and takes the high road cares enough about their own well being. Abandoning pointless negativity regardless of how you are looked upon for it, is an act of freedom and self-love.
-DM

 

Making The Best Out Of A Retail Job

For a very long time, I was an on-and-off stay-at-home mom. It has not really been by choice either, mainly because of the job market and just working for whack employers or small Massage Therapy/Spa businesses that either didn’t last very long or were very bad at advertising among many other things. Being that I worked in the Massage Therapy field, I never really came in contact with large amounts of people at a time while on the job. The last time I had worked a retail job was in 2005, before I had my first son. I was a complete hermit, in between the MT jobs and being at home for periods at a time. The one exception was when I worked at these office suites as a receptionist managing many phones lines but even then it was a pretty chilled out job for the most part.

I started working retail again after many years, in January of 2013. Obviously out of necessity. I felt I had no choice at the time since I had hit some super rough times and needed anything to keep me afloat. After feeling like a hermit for so long, suddenly being in that kind of job can be like waking up to cold water being thrown in your face (giggle). Initially I was pretty over-sensitive. My people skills and tolerance threshold were not the best. I had to realize that dealing with some of the people I was dealing with was pretty much the equivalent of dealing with overgrown children. I have never allowed myself to treat a retail employer like complete garbage over anything, much less because the item I wanted wasn’t in stock! For someone who has been sensitive and empathic for a large part of her life, I abhor harsh energy and throwing it at others just because. I had to arm myself with spiritual techniques as well as continuously remembering that the world is in pain.

When I speak of spiritual techniques, I am referring to my belief in shielding. I practice visual shielding techniques, and meditating with grounding/protective stones and crystals. Prayer by itself is fine too. Whatever you rely on for spiritual protection is fine as long as you believe in it and it works for you. I am a believer in energies and auras. Because of trauma, not-so-pleasant life experiences, we all, at some point, end up carrying negative energy around in our auras. If you are an empathic person and are sensitive to energies, you end up picking up many of the ones you come in contact with. You will feel their emotions, intentions etc. So as you can imagine, working retail can be taxing for someone like myself.

You have all types of angry and hurt people walking in and out. Some will complain and even curse you and call you out of your name. On top of my shielding techniques, the patience and assertiveness I had to build, I also had to keep in mind that some of these people are compensating for something they lack or they are just angry at life. I used to have my bouts of self-consciousness but that stopped when I reminded myself repeatedly that many people who are disrespectful and have nasty behavior, are hurt or trying to prove themselves because they lack something.

Sometimes when I would have to deal with some of the customers who behaved in this way, I would keep my calm demeanor, even remain aloof and detached from the behavior because I know it wasn’t about me. I would give them the proper greeting and a genuine smile and I started seeing a transformation happening in these people. Their whole demeanor and mood would change in a positive way. There was no longer any tension in the air and the energy became lighter. They would leave different than when they came in. This truly has worked most of the time for me. When you work to radiate a positive energy you can change the people around you and inspire them to be better. I have been on the other side of the coin, not necessarily in a retail setting but in other occasions when I’ve been feeling down and out and just the smile of another and their greeting or laughter changes my day.

Another thing I have learned to apply more often to many situations is assertiveness and standing my ground. When things start to get out of hand and you have a ruthless customer who is yelling and cursing at you and is asking you to check the stock room again for their item or to print a whole entire large order of pictures out for free because of a mistake on a single one of them, you have to answer confidently regardless of weather you think they’re not going to like the response. Or just explain that you will get your manager but never cower. I used to be that shy, conflict-phobic chick back in the day and I see that a lot in some retail employees. Being assertive gets straight to the point instead of flinching, cowering and apologizing a billion times for things you cannot control. Yes, some customers do think that you have control over the prices.

The best way to be is assertive and positive. Detach as much as you can from negative reactions and behavior because it isn’t about you. Let working this type of job inspire you and grow you to be better and to rise above that kind of behavior. Remind yourself that it is not something you want to become and stand tall. No one is better than anyone, and no one is below anyone. If someone is being an a**hole, they are either in emotional pain, or compensating for what they lack.