Social Media Illusion

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Social media is a double edged sword. You can learn so much from it, connect with different people in positive ways but also be fooled and confused into delusions by it. We tend to focus so much on what we see externally and on the over-importance of others, as we minimize our own efforts and successes. Extroversion and boastfulness do not equate to confidence or success. Introversion and silence do not equate to low self-worth or failure. The internet and social media can be a house of mirrors that can fool many into believing that what’s most physically evident is what’s true or what has more worth than internal successes and intangible qualities about ourselves.

If you were able to take a picture of your soul, would you post that picture on social media? Before being upset or feeling down about your so called failures and inability to “prove” anything to the world, remember that there is much more worth in the intangible progress you make, than in the physical things you can “showcase”. Anyone with a pulse can post something and make it look beautiful on Instagram and Facebook. They can throw filters, they can arrange themselves a certain way or they can legitimately have beautiful things and a perfectly glamorous home or outfit, but inside of them can exist a whole different world opposite of all that outer beauty.

Some people use these outer complishments as crutches to help them feel a sense of superiority over others. Some people see these things and automatically feel belittled because unfortunately, the world convinces you that if you do not show any physical, tangible success, that you are a failure. What most people who fall into this littleness forget to think about is the fact that anyone who has to showcase anything to make others feel less than, deep down, feels like a little person themselves. Everyone acts out their sense of inferiority differently and some will do by posting excessive selfies and pictures showcasing what they have, in an attempt to gain many likes or to prove themselves to others. Take into account also, that many people who focus so much on the material and on showing what they have, are not doing the proper healing or dealing with their own insecurity. They will leave inner work unnoticed and their inner child unattended, for the sake of fulfilling their desperate need for likes and recognition.

I have seen people who have the most beautiful souls and enriching lives, who do for others and are developing themselves beautifully inside and out. Owning their flaws and on the path to self-love. They do not go out of their way to flaunt because they are already fulfilled. I myself am on this path to self love and healing and it is an extremely valuable path. Well worth it, full of it’s ups and downs of course. We are not the most glamorous of people because that’s not the path that we have, we are here for a larger purpose. I can see why people who do spiritual work can feel so out of place. Society seems to value physicality and riches above anything. But know that physicality and riches is not the ultimate truth, specially when it is being used as a replacement to, or a distraction from spiritual growth and healing.

Enjoy your journey and your life. Be thankful for the things you have such as family, home, food, nature surrounding you, and the many beautiful and sometimes small things you can think of. Putting yourself above others is not conducive to blessings. Being thankful for what you already have, is. It is a beautiful balance when you can have beautiful things and a peaceful soul. My writing of this article is not proclaiming that it is a bad thing to have physical things and to enjoy them. What I am trying to help people understand is that it is not conducive to well being when you allow physical gratification, the desperate need for riches, or the desperate need to showcase things for likes, to overtake your life and distract you from your much more important and bigger spiritual advancement.

The High Road

For an egocentric person, you “walking away” will be seen as weakness. But many of us know that people who are addicted to power struggles are very unhappy and that same love for power struggles and quarrel in itself is a weakness. It is a result of some deep seated grief that they want to re-play over and over. Walking away from pointless struggle, specially if it means to never see the person again is the best gift you can give to yourself and to that person as well. They are already wounded enough as it is, if they are striving so hard to knock you off balance.

There are times when it can be hard to detach. It will be tempting to continue arguing and competing with this person. The way I have dealt with it is to ponder: “what lesson and I supposed to be learning here?”. I am a believer in past lives and the concept that we incarnate with people of previous lives who we have had unresolved issues with. This may be why within some relationships, there will be either an instant attraction, or aversion towards the person. There will be people that for absolutely no reason will give you hell. They may not even know why they dislike you so much or why they are so drawn to you. There will be relationships in which you will have a constant battle of wills, unfounded competition over the most trivial things and power struggle.

The way I have recently learned to and began to deal with this, is to first of all resist all impulses to follow suit. Do not continue the cycle of needless competition or arguing. Detach from it completely. Even if it means to be seen as the “loser” in the eyes of that person or anyone else. In reality that person will feel like they have truly lost something because they have nothing else to go on. You are starving their need for drama, and your attention. Try to view that person as a child who has not healed from past trauma. That is most likely the truth anyway.

If this is a person you have to see every single day or often, you may have to have a talk with them. This is the part that I am preparing myself for, in case my issue is with someone who I have no choice to constantly be around (coworker). At my age (28) I just now starting to get over my conflict-phobia. I needed to achieve the balanced force (Assertiveness) before continuing. The way I handled things in the past was either in a very passive manner, or a very aggressive one. Although I had conflict-phobia, I sometimes did act aggressively in an attempt to appear strong. Aggressive is a cover-up for weakness and neither passive behavior nor aggressive behavior are effective.  I just recently read a book by Doreen Virtue titled “Assertiveness For Earth Angels” that brought more to light for me. Speaking in a very calm, yet straight forward and serious tone, using eye contact, and having no anger in your voice, is part of being Assertive. Speaking to the person about how their behavior makes you feel without sugar-coating. Voicing your concern in a direct yet loving manner is for the interests of yourself as well as the other person. It may either lead to that person awakening and realizing certain things about their behavior, or it may aggravate them.

That leads me to the last step. If the person gets upset and you receive backlash even though you were respectful, the best thing to do now is to no longer have any contact with them. Even in the workplace, it may get awkward, but the best thing is to create distance with the person. Speaking about the issue will not always help but at least the way you feel has been made clear. In some cases the person may try to push you to engage in their drama. This is where taking the high road continues. If things become abusive, appropriate action will be necessary, in the case that it is a co-worker, of course going to a higher authority will have to be done. In the case of family, distance may be needed and if it comes to a friend/former friend, you may have to follow the high road, be assertive and if in the end they still behave the same, it’s time to cut the cord. No more phone calls, no more texts.

You are the only one who can take full care of YOU. Caring about your well-being equates to eliminating what doesn’t serve you. Those things, people and habits that deplete your life force and bring you down. Some people may argue that it is not loving to cut people off but I disagree. It can be the best thing that you can do for yourself as well as the person.