Broken Sisterhood

Despite so much adversity that goes on among us women, I feel spirit has always directed me towards healing myself and helping other women heal from the wounds that we have caused each other. Getting away from the excessive pride and ego that we use to protect our feelings and emotions.
There is a balance that I try to achieve when I face the difficult situations that have surfaced with other women. I myself have fallen many times in the traps of coming from ego in order to defend myself. I remained stuck in defense mode for long periods of time. I want to remain in the practice of simply being carefree and welcoming, which is my original nature, despite any push-back I receive. I am not at all, by any means, saying to be passive in the face of blatant disrespect. But I will not let any experiences that are negative, allow me to change my overall nature in new situations.
This is one of my goals, which I have achieved in the past but as of late, have fallen back into that habit of becoming closed and withdrawn when I have been “attacked”.

The older I have gotten and the more I have done the work to increase the love for myself, the more I face uncomfortable situations with women. I have gone within to find out why and part of my purpose seems to be that I have to work with women somehow,  by directly addressing the actions and issues at hand instead of just withdrawing and “taking the high road” or “keeping it moving” as I say.  I should be acting as more of a teacher in these situations.

I have most of the time avoided “worsening” situations by not bothering and moving on. Just letting it be whatever it is and leaving that person to “take the bs elsewhere”. This in itself can be very dysfunctional because that person may need, right then and there, for me to immediately tell them how fucked up they are behaving. My whole philosophy has always been “They are grown, they should know better.” which is true but sometimes people need to hear about themselves because others have not dared to speak up on their foolishness. Then again there are times when it is necessary to not bother with the situation altogether, specially if games are being played and it is a situation in which the other party shows signs of some personality disorder, such as NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Those are situations you need to run from immediately, as the person’s only goal is to keep you depleted and feeling destroyed and that is another story for another day.

Another issue I have dealt with is where I let my guard down for certain people, while my intuition clearly told me otherwise and it resulted in the person, down the line, becoming rude towards me out of nowhere, almost to “test” me because they thought my normal positive attitude was phony or they just couldn’t stand the ongoing lack of drama. Some people are very addicted to adversity so they seek out this kind of trouble when it isn’t called for or necessary. Just to pass the time or because it fuels and excites them. This is where my intuition mixed with that same openness needed to come in. I was only open at the time and ignored my senses. People like this often move on when you finally distance yourself and send a clear message that you’re not with the bs.

What I want to do ultimately is to continue working on these issues, in order to move on from this negative feedback loop. I want to have a better outlook as I did before and see the best in everyone else. I do have, even presently some positive experiences but I want to leave behind the weary feelings and distrust that sometimes creep up on me, the fear of letting my guard down. I am working to achieve the balance I once had not long ago where I was using my intuition more proactively. The past few months I seemed to just withdraw from everything and that is not conducive to new opportunities or positive situations. I want to get to where I am able to fulfill this calling and work with other women in the process, helping to heal the divine feminine. In my quest towards life coaching this is a necessary step.

Social Media Illusion

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Social media is a double edged sword. You can learn so much from it, connect with different people in positive ways but also be fooled and confused into delusions by it. We tend to focus so much on what we see externally and on the over-importance of others, as we minimize our own efforts and successes. Extroversion and boastfulness do not equate to confidence or success. Introversion and silence do not equate to low self-worth or failure. The internet and social media can be a house of mirrors that can fool many into believing that what’s most physically evident is what’s true or what has more worth than internal successes and intangible qualities about ourselves.

If you were able to take a picture of your soul, would you post that picture on social media? Before being upset or feeling down about your so called failures and inability to “prove” anything to the world, remember that there is much more worth in the intangible progress you make, than in the physical things you can “showcase”. Anyone with a pulse can post something and make it look beautiful on Instagram and Facebook. They can throw filters, they can arrange themselves a certain way or they can legitimately have beautiful things and a perfectly glamorous home or outfit, but inside of them can exist a whole different world opposite of all that outer beauty.

Some people use these outer complishments as crutches to help them feel a sense of superiority over others. Some people see these things and automatically feel belittled because unfortunately, the world convinces you that if you do not show any physical, tangible success, that you are a failure. What most people who fall into this littleness forget to think about is the fact that anyone who has to showcase anything to make others feel less than, deep down, feels like a little person themselves. Everyone acts out their sense of inferiority differently and some will do by posting excessive selfies and pictures showcasing what they have, in an attempt to gain many likes or to prove themselves to others. Take into account also, that many people who focus so much on the material and on showing what they have, are not doing the proper healing or dealing with their own insecurity. They will leave inner work unnoticed and their inner child unattended, for the sake of fulfilling their desperate need for likes and recognition.

I have seen people who have the most beautiful souls and enriching lives, who do for others and are developing themselves beautifully inside and out. Owning their flaws and on the path to self-love. They do not go out of their way to flaunt because they are already fulfilled. I myself am on this path to self love and healing and it is an extremely valuable path. Well worth it, full of it’s ups and downs of course. We are not the most glamorous of people because that’s not the path that we have, we are here for a larger purpose. I can see why people who do spiritual work can feel so out of place. Society seems to value physicality and riches above anything. But know that physicality and riches is not the ultimate truth, specially when it is being used as a replacement to, or a distraction from spiritual growth and healing.

Enjoy your journey and your life. Be thankful for the things you have such as family, home, food, nature surrounding you, and the many beautiful and sometimes small things you can think of. Putting yourself above others is not conducive to blessings. Being thankful for what you already have, is. It is a beautiful balance when you can have beautiful things and a peaceful soul. My writing of this article is not proclaiming that it is a bad thing to have physical things and to enjoy them. What I am trying to help people understand is that it is not conducive to well being when you allow physical gratification, the desperate need for riches, or the desperate need to showcase things for likes, to overtake your life and distract you from your much more important and bigger spiritual advancement.

What Should Self-Worth Be Based On?

This is simply my opinion. It doesn’t have to resonate with everyone. It’s not a “should” or “you must” kind of thing. This is just based on my own experience. This is for those who may be upset and disappointed because they don’t feel that the superficial side of life is not going anywhere for them. To the ones that are looking for something other than looks and social status to carry them and to build their foundation on. Big things can be achieved through qualities and accomplishments that are not superficial. A lot of the time building up these things is what leads you to becoming a success in the worldly side, just as long as you never forget where you come from and who you truly are.

Build your self-worth based on something of value such as personal achievements, that may not have to do with financial earnings. What can you do for others from the heart? what improvements have you made to your inner self? Think of the harmony and positive change you create around you through conscious efforts and any hard work you’ve put into your life. Not only outer improvements like career etc. but inner improvements to your character and inner well being. Working through your old unresolved issues, and working to rid yourself of old beliefs are other, most often ignored form of success. Building yourself up sturdy from the inside is what builds a positive reality. Looks fade and hard times show up in everyone’s lives. Remember what you’ve been through, and your strength. Think of the times you never gave up your will-power and pushed through to the end of something.

I am an attractive person in my opinion but I have never relied on it. I’m doing OK financially but those things are not a representation of who I am. Mom taught me well that it’s all about what you carry inside.  I have had my days where I felt both those areas of my life were not doing well and it made me upset because I wasn’t focusing on what is truly important. Building your esteem on more meaningful things is what makes you still feel awesome and proud even if you’re on house-mom mode, in your pajamas, with your hair looking like the snakes on Medusa’s head. Even when you’re not doing so great financially. Things always change and you know you’re doing the best that you can.

Building yourself through doing something of value makes you become less concerned with how others will view you and more focused on your own positive view of yourself. Never abandon yourself physically but don’t focus on looks and materials so much that it blinds you from everything else that is truly important or that it makes you think you are above anyone, because that is when you fall, and you fall pretty hard indeed. Those things are not the real you. It’s surprising how little you will care for the physical because your sense of self has been built on something greater and permanent. Everyone has something meaningful to contribute to this world.

 

 

That Little Inner Voice

ImageYou will surpass many challenges but you will have tougher battles ahead. Some people may think of this quote in the aspect of religion.. “the devil will try to tempt you, when your will is strong and he will try different methods to make you fall” etc. However for me it’s not speaking about an actual devil and more so about your own inner issues floating around in the back of your mind. You can be your own worst enemy and let certain thoughts take over your sense of security. You can let outer demons (the ego of another human being) to make you feel weak.. the more you overcome certain obstacles, the more challenges are up ahead. Sometimes those so called “demons” are represented by certain scenarios and circumstances that may be troublesome. Bottom line is, life is a big school, playground and lesson to learn from. It’s like a huge obstacle course, that comes with rewards after each challenge but with more to come for the next.

The “enemy” can be a person who is trying to bring down your confidence. It can come in the form of criticism and ridicule. The test is in keeping your head high. Even the strongest of us have our self-doubts. Even when we have accomplished something, we think “is this enough”. That kind of thought is the enemy. Even some writers who’s books have gone far, and who are finally getting much recognition, still have that feeling like “am I getting too much praise” or feeling as if they an “impostor” because they don’t feel they’re work is good enough for the amount of praise that they’re getting. Like when young girls feel they’re ugly despite how many people tell them otherwise. That voice is the enemy and the biggest enemy can be within. When you’ve accomplished something that has taken tons of work, or when you get to a place where you know you’ve done well but that voice starts to creep out, remember that’s the enemy. 

Choose positive self-talk. Life is to be enjoyed regardless, so any accomplishment, no matter how small, should be celebrated.