The Pinnacle of Womanhood: Women Divided by Societal Programming

In a world where many people abandon their true selves in order to be seen as worthy of admiration, most choose to abide by societal rules at all costs. There is excessive focus placed on romantic fulfillment, marriage and children. There is too much energy wasted on attempting to show the world how much love and recognition we attain, how nice of a family we have, and on an even more negative level, how much success we have as opposed to the next person instead of just striving for success for the sake of oneself. To prove how much our circumstances beat the next individual. I’d like to speak on the battle that has been going on for quite a while now between certain groups of women: Some of those who are already partnered and/or have children and some of those who are not yet married and/or are child-free. The problem many women don’t realize is that they are centering romantic relationships with men and the bearing of children and subconsciously or in some cases consciously labeling this package the pinnacle of womanhood. They don’t realize that this is societal brainwashing and that the real battle is actually a war that has been waged on all of us women by a misogynistic society. Society as a whole is male-centered and this is perpetuated not only by misogyny and male narcissism but also by mass media promotion of unrealistic scenarios that cause a rift between women from different walks of life. Part of this division is also inherited from the internalized misogyny and sacrificial attitudes passed down from the antiquated grannies and aunties who may not have had the choice to be comfortably single back in their day. Who like to enforce their “need” for a man on the younger generations. Who were forced by their mothers to vie and compete over men. For some of these older women, being partnered was their way to find a sense of self-worth, although false. In many cases it was the only way they could maintain their monetary status. Partnership for some of them could have been a means for survival, especially since in past time periods, women were either not allowed to work or it wasn’t socially acceptable for a lady to work. This imposed mentality by the older generations is an anti-woman form of indoctrination that has brainwashed women across the globe, teaching them to base their worth on being picked for romantic partnership and to tie their value to how much they can do for men or for others in general, and how much they can sacrifice for men and children.

 Female servitude and male-centering has been so deeply ingrained in this society, and it has brought on certain systems that ensure that women have the lowest level of self-worth possible. So that we hopefully feel a sense of desperate need for a counterpart to validate our worth and end up in abusive situations or trauma bonds instead of building relationships based on balance, respect, and enjoyment. So that we seek validation from society and hope to be deemed acceptable by it’s standards. So many women are led to compromise their wants and sometimes their needs for an attachment. These systems serve the purpose of keeping women divided through competition as mentioned. From ads and tv shows that highlight women’s perceived imperfections and how to “fix” them, to doctored images promoting almost impossible or unrealistic body standards, to the media and their constant displaying of dynamics that promote the illusion that we are worth more if we’re picked by or liked by men over other women. These ideas then become internalized in girls from a very young age. There is so much in the media and all around us that promote self-hatred. 

Many of us need to understand that our worth is spiritual, internal and intangible and should never be tied to anything outside of us. Especially to any type of compromising that raises others above ourselves. Every so often when I scroll through twitter or other social media sites and forums, I witness this battle. Single women v.s. married women and sometimes said groups v.s. single mothers. A battle that stems from these social conditions that cunningly teach us that one must have a partner in order to “win” or be viewed as more worthy than those who do not have them. This is teaching young women that men are  the ultimate prize. Only giving fuel to misogynistic men and their narcissistic attitudes, their entitlement to milking unbalanced relationships for all they can gain and their entitlement to servitude. 

When I come across these arguments there are only ever a few balanced and unbiased responses from people who see the bigger picture and recognize the true culprit, while everyone else is caught up in their ego, striving to prove which group’s situation makes a woman more of a woman and behaving as if their own situation must be imposed on the rest. As if it’s the end all be all *cue eye roll*. I believe the best situations are those in which women live in their truth. Where women live their individual lives in a way in which their spirits will be fulfilled without needing others outside of them to follow the exact same path. Without trying to convince anyone that her position is the best. I call that peace! When a woman whether single, married, a mother or anything else is able to connect with herself, gets to know herself and her soul’s desires, growing to accept in themselves what this imperfect world perceives as flaws and remembers that the world’s opinion is not reliable because society is broken anyway. An optimal position for a woman is one in which she is enjoying time for herself, nurturing her inner child as much as possible. Making the decisions that would benefit her internal growth and joy, not those decisions more favored and dictated by other individuals. Not decisions dictated by the hopes, fears and judgements of others but by her own internal guidance. Women regardless of marital status should engage in all the things that enrich their spirits. Things that they truly aspire to do that do not take away from who they are and those that have nothing to do with romantic relationships and approval from men. In other words preserve your individuality outside of relationships, children and/or the desire for those things, whether you are a wife and/or mother or not. Your independent decisions are fit for the course of your life and your life only.

Remember that platonic relationships are an important form of companionship as well that should not be ignored in favor of romantic relationships. Many times it is the platonic friendships that can bring growth and new opportunities, as long as we don’t also use those to replace internal work and self-love. 

Many women with insecurities engage in these battles where they status shame other women or shame them for having/not having children. Some married women attach themselves so much to their marital status or their title as a mother that they may use having those things as weapons when attacking women who are single. Some of them dangerously lose their individuality and sense of self in these titles and when hearing about women who are living their single lives happily, they may come to feel a bit resentful about not being able to have the same freedoms as single women. On the opposite end, because of the programs mentioned before, some single ladies will allow the world to impose on them the belief that they need a partner so they either feel like they are not enough therefore engaging in ridicule towards married women for even having a union with a man in the first place. Shouting at the top of their lungs their hatred for children or their freedom from being controlled in a union. Many assumptions are thrown around, speaking on married women being “dependent” or that they must be stuck in miserable marriages. If she is a mother, she is automatically unhappy with motherhood as well. 

It is clear that there is a deep insecurity within a percentage of women in both groups, who at some level want or once hoped to be in the opposite position. Others are resentful to see women in situations they’ve been convinced by society, family or friends, to see as “more favorable” than their own. Others simply ridicule because they do feel “superior” in some way to women who have to “deal” with children. Some people do not see an identity outside of their current physical circumstances or what they can “hold over” another person and use those present circumstances to attack those in the opposite situation. All because they’ve built resentment towards the judgements and expectations that have been put on them, or because they are insecure in general and need to convince themselves the other person is less-than. Anyway, women should work to deprogram from these outdated beliefs systems. We have to stop listening to others’ expectations of us. I know it is not easy when this world bombards women with them. Stop engaging in these battles and realize some people simply feel the need to get temporarily high on dopamine. They don’t know how else to tap into their true value, which has nothing to do with what the world wants from any of us. Engaging in these battles all go back to centering men and romantic partnership at the end of the day and only reveal a lack in self-worth for many.

As a married woman myself, I believe you should not have to abandon yourself when you are married and/or have children. See, the problem is again, those older generations that see ultimate honor in constantly putting others first and abandoning yourself. Another culprit being the misogynistic people who hold beliefs that women should only serve or be mules. Constantly putting your needs to the side and giving to a partner without filling your own cup, comes from a mentality rooted in fear of abandonment or it was what some women were raised to do by their mothers who probably had these issues. In my own experience there are elders in my family who have had issues or questionable things to say when it came to me pampering myself, dressing up, wearing makeup and going out ‘without the kids’. Expressing concern and fear, as that a mother taking care of herself means that the children will be neglected. I think it’s hilarious and at the same time a very sad thing that self-care is seen as shameful. Heck, I even got scolded for not helping my own husband season and barbeque some food at a small get together in my home. It was an oddity to them that he didn’t mind or care to do it by himself and that I sat down to chill. This is what I mean when I say the older generations expect you to sacrifice themselves as they did in their day.

 As a mother one must take time for oneself from time to time in order to mother in a balanced way; In a way that will benefit both the children and yourself. Do not let the guilt tripping from the old-fashioned people influence you. To remain in the best state possible while mothering, you must renew yourself. Take the opportunities that are presented to you, for that time to yourself, time with friends and time away in general if you are not in a dire situation. I understand if the circumstances may be difficult in the case where a mother happens to be single and lacks a support system, it may be harder to be away. That’s obviously the exception. Overall, women benefit from any opportunity  for renewal and self focus. It is essential when cultivating self-love and honoring your individuality.

There are upsides and downsides in all scenarios in life, whether married or single. Whether parent or child-free. It is natural to not feel a need or desire to have children. It’s wise to choose not having them if we feel we aren’t mentally, emotionally or financially stable enough for them or if we simply want to enjoy a child-free life. Some don’t want that kind of responsibility and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just like choosing being a parent or unexpectedly becoming one shouldn’t be shamed either. This is life, and it happens. There is no such thing as the pinnacle of womanhood. Especially if it is rooted is misogynistic standards of servitude or child-bearing. As a woman you have the divine right to live in a way that places you as a priority in your own life. That’s how you flourish. This is one reason why single-shaming makes no sense. It’s designed to keep women focused on needing something outside of themselves so they can rush and pick someone, anyone to be with instead of enjoying themselves. Instead of focusing on healing and building oneself from within. Instead of pampering herself and having fun. It leads some women to rush into partnerships and become easier for misogynistic, narcissistic men to control or take advantage of. The optimal position is for women to nurture themselves, cultivating self-love and becoming empowered. When this happens, and healthy partnership is desired, one is more likely to attract more balanced people whether the partnership happens to be romantic or not. I love seeing women waking up and ignoring societal standards of what women are “supposed” to be doing. It’s great to see them at peace in who they are, so much so, that they don’t go out of their way to try and oppress other women with the same standards that oppress them. They allow other women to freely be who they are.

Social Media Illusion

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Social media is a double edged sword. You can learn so much from it, connect with different people in positive ways but also be fooled and confused into delusions by it. We tend to focus so much on what we see externally and on the over-importance of others, as we minimize our own efforts and successes. Extroversion and boastfulness do not equate to confidence or success. Introversion and silence do not equate to low self-worth or failure. The internet and social media can be a house of mirrors that can fool many into believing that what’s most physically evident is what’s true or what has more worth than internal successes and intangible qualities about ourselves.

If you were able to take a picture of your soul, would you post that picture on social media? Before being upset or feeling down about your so called failures and inability to “prove” anything to the world, remember that there is much more worth in the intangible progress you make, than in the physical things you can “showcase”. Anyone with a pulse can post something and make it look beautiful on Instagram and Facebook. They can throw filters, they can arrange themselves a certain way or they can legitimately have beautiful things and a perfectly glamorous home or outfit, but inside of them can exist a whole different world opposite of all that outer beauty.

Some people use these outer complishments as crutches to help them feel a sense of superiority over others. Some people see these things and automatically feel belittled because unfortunately, the world convinces you that if you do not show any physical, tangible success, that you are a failure. What most people who fall into this littleness forget to think about is the fact that anyone who has to showcase anything to make others feel less than, deep down, feels like a little person themselves. Everyone acts out their sense of inferiority differently and some will do by posting excessive selfies and pictures showcasing what they have, in an attempt to gain many likes or to prove themselves to others. Take into account also, that many people who focus so much on the material and on showing what they have, are not doing the proper healing or dealing with their own insecurity. They will leave inner work unnoticed and their inner child unattended, for the sake of fulfilling their desperate need for likes and recognition.

I have seen people who have the most beautiful souls and enriching lives, who do for others and are developing themselves beautifully inside and out. Owning their flaws and on the path to self-love. They do not go out of their way to flaunt because they are already fulfilled. I myself am on this path to self love and healing and it is an extremely valuable path. Well worth it, full of it’s ups and downs of course. We are not the most glamorous of people because that’s not the path that we have, we are here for a larger purpose. I can see why people who do spiritual work can feel so out of place. Society seems to value physicality and riches above anything. But know that physicality and riches is not the ultimate truth, specially when it is being used as a replacement to, or a distraction from spiritual growth and healing.

Enjoy your journey and your life. Be thankful for the things you have such as family, home, food, nature surrounding you, and the many beautiful and sometimes small things you can think of. Putting yourself above others is not conducive to blessings. Being thankful for what you already have, is. It is a beautiful balance when you can have beautiful things and a peaceful soul. My writing of this article is not proclaiming that it is a bad thing to have physical things and to enjoy them. What I am trying to help people understand is that it is not conducive to well being when you allow physical gratification, the desperate need for riches, or the desperate need to showcase things for likes, to overtake your life and distract you from your much more important and bigger spiritual advancement.

Excerpt From A Great Book On Abundance

I’ve been reading a book I stumbled upon recently called “The Little Book Of Infinite Abundance” by Naisha Ahsian, and I wanted to share an excerpt from the book. It is a concept that I have been practicing for quite some time now, without really knowing it was a solid idea or practice that had been documented as detailed as she described it:

“The emotional energy you use to manifest your creation is the content of that creation. When you create from fear, desperation or separation, the form you manifest will be filled with this energy – it will not fulfill you. In fact, it will continually remind you of fear, desperation and separation. When you create with the frequency of love, joy and abundance- no matter what they look like on the outside. Your creations will be truly “full-filling” and will be constant reminders of your love, joy and abundance.”

When you try to manifest something, what emotional energy do you place behind it? When you have the intention of gaining, creating or buying something, are you doing it to “impress”? Or simply for the joy of having it? Doing something for the purpose of impressing, being liked and accepted, or to so called “sh*t on the next person” as some people would say out of competitiveness, is rooted in feelings of fear and lack or scarcity mentality. It only results in feeling empty once again and wanting more and more, leading to never being fulfilled. This is not abundance. Abundance is when you do things out of pure passion or joy. You gain, create, or purchase something just because you like it, not out of desperation or to impress or one-up anyone. Abundance leads you to more creation and to infusing your job or tasks with a joyful energy. It is not always easy but this is why you consciously have to make the decision to align with that energy, every time you feel you are unmotivated or doing things for the wrong reasons. Abundance is a feeling. An energy bestowed to all of us from the divine energy/source of creation. Abundance is in sharing with others out of pure generosity, leading us to receive abundance in different forms. Sharing your time, money, or anything small. Even sharing a snack with a friend out of wanting to share how good it tastes. Those little things create more access to the energy of abundance itself.

I started my spiritual journey about 5 years ago. My experience with the concept talked about in the excerpt from Naisha Ahsian’s book, started to come up in my life about 3 years ago. I knew I was lining up with a more positive outlook and with my purpose through meditation on mindfulness. I also started to notice another kind of change that I couldn’t quite pin-point or label. I started to notice that my desire for certain material things diminished because I had found fulfillment elsewhere. In the past I would splurge on outfits and other things but that did not satisfy me. The thought of going back to the feeling of dissatisfaction buy after buy after buy, makes me more motivated to complete the abundance program Naisha Ahsian has set up in her book, even though for a long time now I no longer feel the need to splurge on things. When I do decide to get something, it is for the simple reason that it gives me joy to have it. Not to fill a void, or to impress people.

Naisha mentions in her book, that money does not equate to abundance as we have forever thought. She explains that there are many millionaires and people in general who do have money but they do not have abundance. Say what?? This kills the old belief that money equates to abundance and she is right. There are financially wealthy people who are unhappy and very greedy. They only want more, and they will climb over anyone or anything to get it. That right there is operating from scarcity mentality. You believe that what you get is limited, so you behave negatively to get it or once you get it because you think it will be taken away. You have to outrank and compete against someone else.  When you finally flow from abundance, which again is not one particular thing, it is an energy that includes joy, you no longer suffer the stress and desperation of wanting certain things, if you have been “struggling” or you no longer suffer from greed, and wanting to be bigger and better than anyone else. You relax knowing that you are taken care of while working to stay in the flow. You do your work with a positive attitude, without thinking so much about the money. This is when you start to draw in opportunities.

I stumbled upon this book and it was no accident. I think it is a blessing and to anyone who wants to expand, this is the link to it: The Little Book Of Infinite Abundance. Blessings to everyone.

Namaste

What’s Meant For You Cannot Be Intercepted

I refuse to accept anyone’s view of what’s perfect and I am letting go of all the learned beliefs I have held, surrounding the false view of perfection. I do not allow anyone’s view of how I should behave, and what I “should” suppress or express, dictate how I live my life. When you live into yourself and go with your own rhythm, you will begin to shed the old. Ditch old habits, and old circumstances and people who’s precence was never for your higher advancement, eventually becoming part of your past. You become acquainted with those who desire the same fairness, peace and success that you are developing.

Part of the metamorphosis are the lingering few from the past that are trying hard to stick around to prevent your change from happening. The effort is a waste of energy because those changes are inevitable and ruled by a higher order. They will act in the form of harsh critics and downers. They will even try to bring you into pointless competition. Changes are happening all around and these folks are resisting the changes. Resistance to them brings nothing but pain, anger, feelings of victimhood and of feeling left out. I can think of a few individuals who are trying to hold onto battles that have long ended. Battles in which no one was the winner. Battles that they realized they were ultimately just fighting with themselves. To these people I say it is time to embrace what’s up ahead on the horizon. Give to God, The Universe, Source, your Angels and Guides, whoever you believe in, hand them the baggage!!!!! Let them help you throw away the anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, competitiveness, self-pity, powerlessness and feelings of victimhood. Let the people who are on their own journey to positive change, move on without your noise. They will move on regardless of it but please make it less painful for you by embracing your own change! You have a path all your own and it’s your choice, you can choose right now to make it awesome. Embrace the new. Embrace love of yourself, so much that you feel no urge to bring down another. Realize you are a powerful creator and that power can continue being used negatively, holding yourself back. Creating an unpleasant reality. Or it can be used positively by gathering all of your strength and energy and injecting it into the new, the exciting. Imagine what you can create starting now. With persistently being mindful of your thoughts and self-talk.

Harsh critics are often harsher on themselves that anyone else. Cut that out..begin a routine of positive self talk. You are worthy of all the good things you have been taught to not feel worthy of. Some things become so engrained in our minds that we do not even notice the beliefs we hold. These can keep us from moving forward. Remind yourself, constantly. Repeat it to yourself that you are worthy of all that is good. Eventually it becomes a part of your reality. Don’t hold yourself back, and don’t attempt to hold others back. It will be wasted effort and only create a sour reality wrapped in a false sense of initial victory. Ask yourself: Who or what am I really fighting? Where did these feelings begin? Why is this person’s positive actions aggravating to the point of wanting to bring them down? That is the beginning of healing.

Accepting any issues, no matter how embarrassing or painful, is a step to self acceptance and self-love. This is a step towards transforming the issue. Getting to the root of certain feelings and your earliest memories of those feelings, will help you realize your true worth. You were never undeserving of the best, you just encountered someone, at some point of your life, that may have made you feel that way because of their own feelings of inadequacy, anger, spite, etc. Free yourself. Break the cycle.