Broken Sisterhood

Despite so much adversity that goes on among us women, I feel spirit has always directed me towards healing myself and helping other women heal from the wounds that we have caused each other. Getting away from the excessive pride and ego that we use to protect our feelings and emotions.
There is a balance that I try to achieve when I face the difficult situations that have surfaced with other women. I myself have fallen many times in the traps of coming from ego in order to defend myself. I remained stuck in defense mode for long periods of time. I want to remain in the practice of simply being carefree and welcoming, which is my original nature, despite any push-back I receive. I am not at all, by any means, saying to be passive in the face of blatant disrespect. But I will not let any experiences that are negative, allow me to change my overall nature in new situations.
This is one of my goals, which I have achieved in the past but as of late, have fallen back into that habit of becoming closed and withdrawn when I have been “attacked”.

The older I have gotten and the more I have done the work to increase the love for myself, the more I face uncomfortable situations with women. I have gone within to find out why and part of my purpose seems to be that I have to work with women somehow,  by directly addressing the actions and issues at hand instead of just withdrawing and “taking the high road” or “keeping it moving” as I say.  I should be acting as more of a teacher in these situations.

I have most of the time avoided “worsening” situations by not bothering and moving on. Just letting it be whatever it is and leaving that person to “take the bs elsewhere”. This in itself can be very dysfunctional because that person may need, right then and there, for me to immediately tell them how fucked up they are behaving. My whole philosophy has always been “They are grown, they should know better.” which is true but sometimes people need to hear about themselves because others have not dared to speak up on their foolishness. Then again there are times when it is necessary to not bother with the situation altogether, specially if games are being played and it is a situation in which the other party shows signs of some personality disorder, such as NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Those are situations you need to run from immediately, as the person’s only goal is to keep you depleted and feeling destroyed and that is another story for another day.

Another issue I have dealt with is where I let my guard down for certain people, while my intuition clearly told me otherwise and it resulted in the person, down the line, becoming rude towards me out of nowhere, almost to “test” me because they thought my normal positive attitude was phony or they just couldn’t stand the ongoing lack of drama. Some people are very addicted to adversity so they seek out this kind of trouble when it isn’t called for or necessary. Just to pass the time or because it fuels and excites them. This is where my intuition mixed with that same openness needed to come in. I was only open at the time and ignored my senses. People like this often move on when you finally distance yourself and send a clear message that you’re not with the bs.

What I want to do ultimately is to continue working on these issues, in order to move on from this negative feedback loop. I want to have a better outlook as I did before and see the best in everyone else. I do have, even presently some positive experiences but I want to leave behind the weary feelings and distrust that sometimes creep up on me, the fear of letting my guard down. I am working to achieve the balance I once had not long ago where I was using my intuition more proactively. The past few months I seemed to just withdraw from everything and that is not conducive to new opportunities or positive situations. I want to get to where I am able to fulfill this calling and work with other women in the process, helping to heal the divine feminine. In my quest towards life coaching this is a necessary step.

What’s Meant For You Cannot Be Intercepted

I refuse to accept anyone’s view of what’s perfect and I am letting go of all the learned beliefs I have held, surrounding the false view of perfection. I do not allow anyone’s view of how I should behave, and what I “should” suppress or express, dictate how I live my life. When you live into yourself and go with your own rhythm, you will begin to shed the old. Ditch old habits, and old circumstances and people who’s precence was never for your higher advancement, eventually becoming part of your past. You become acquainted with those who desire the same fairness, peace and success that you are developing.

Part of the metamorphosis are the lingering few from the past that are trying hard to stick around to prevent your change from happening. The effort is a waste of energy because those changes are inevitable and ruled by a higher order. They will act in the form of harsh critics and downers. They will even try to bring you into pointless competition. Changes are happening all around and these folks are resisting the changes. Resistance to them brings nothing but pain, anger, feelings of victimhood and of feeling left out. I can think of a few individuals who are trying to hold onto battles that have long ended. Battles in which no one was the winner. Battles that they realized they were ultimately just fighting with themselves. To these people I say it is time to embrace what’s up ahead on the horizon. Give to God, The Universe, Source, your Angels and Guides, whoever you believe in, hand them the baggage!!!!! Let them help you throw away the anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, competitiveness, self-pity, powerlessness and feelings of victimhood. Let the people who are on their own journey to positive change, move on without your noise. They will move on regardless of it but please make it less painful for you by embracing your own change! You have a path all your own and it’s your choice, you can choose right now to make it awesome. Embrace the new. Embrace love of yourself, so much that you feel no urge to bring down another. Realize you are a powerful creator and that power can continue being used negatively, holding yourself back. Creating an unpleasant reality. Or it can be used positively by gathering all of your strength and energy and injecting it into the new, the exciting. Imagine what you can create starting now. With persistently being mindful of your thoughts and self-talk.

Harsh critics are often harsher on themselves that anyone else. Cut that out..begin a routine of positive self talk. You are worthy of all the good things you have been taught to not feel worthy of. Some things become so engrained in our minds that we do not even notice the beliefs we hold. These can keep us from moving forward. Remind yourself, constantly. Repeat it to yourself that you are worthy of all that is good. Eventually it becomes a part of your reality. Don’t hold yourself back, and don’t attempt to hold others back. It will be wasted effort and only create a sour reality wrapped in a false sense of initial victory. Ask yourself: Who or what am I really fighting? Where did these feelings begin? Why is this person’s positive actions aggravating to the point of wanting to bring them down? That is the beginning of healing.

Accepting any issues, no matter how embarrassing or painful, is a step to self acceptance and self-love. This is a step towards transforming the issue. Getting to the root of certain feelings and your earliest memories of those feelings, will help you realize your true worth. You were never undeserving of the best, you just encountered someone, at some point of your life, that may have made you feel that way because of their own feelings of inadequacy, anger, spite, etc. Free yourself. Break the cycle.